1) Develop Charisma
Social competence, people skills or charisma is the ability to communicate and negotiate effectively, decrease
conflit and form strong personal bonds with team members. In other words, it is the ability to make the previous habits come
together like a world-class orchestra so that team members unconditionally accept and like you.
Here are five SMART STEPS that will enable you to develop charisma:
- Accept team members the way they are, not the way they ought to be.
- Catch team members doing things almost right and tell them about it.
- Discount team members' weaknesses. We all have them, don't you?
- Infect people with your contagious positive mood. How you feel is a choice. Choose to be positive.
- Give more of what you want.
- You know that you have developed charisma when team members say: "I like myself best when I'm with you".
2) Be Honest
WorldCom, Tyco, Glodal Crossing, Anderson and Enron - do I need to say more? But before you get too smug better
look at the face in the mirror. Study after study has shown that most people lie at one time or another. We inflate our resumes,
fudge our accomplishments and exaggerate even inconsequential events. And when we lie there is no trust, and without trust
you can't practice Contrarian Leadership. Call me old-fashioned; I believe there is no good excuse for lying. There is not
even a good reason for exaggerating. Because if you do, you will have to talk from the head - checking your memory to make
sure that you are consistent. And who can keep track of that, when most of us have trouble remembering where we put out car
keys. Only by getting in the habit of always telling the turth - especially if it is at your own expense - will you be able
to talk from the heart and that will set you free. Which in turn will enhance your leadership skills - people follow people
whom they can trust - and put you on the fast track in any endeavor. It will also enrich your personal relationships and,
most importantly, will get you to like and respect yourself - the foundation for being and effective Contrarian Leader.
3) Kill Your Ego
Ego has probably destroyed more organizations than any other human emotion. I guess that is because ego, right along
with greed and envy, is one of the most powerful destroyers of relationships. A look at history confirms that these
emotions are responsible for more evil - think Napoleon, Stalin and Hitler - and more corporate failures - think Enron, Arthur
Anderson and WorldCom - as wellas relationship killers than any other emotion. And yet you can get rid of our ego with just
five powerful phrases, expressed liberally and from the heart.
Here They Are...
- You Are Right About That. Any time you get into a conflict use this phrase and you will have no conflict
ever again -guaranteed!
- I've Made A Mistake. This phrase helps you get off your high horse gracefully. All human beings make
mistakes - and since you, like all other human beings, are imperfect...I think you get it. Just because you are the leader
does not mean that you are omnipotent. There is only one force like that in the universe - and no, it's not you.
- I Changed My Mind. It's been said that women have cleaner minds then men because they change them often.
You are an evolving human being, one who is like red wine that gets better all the time - that means you have to let go of
your past beliefs.
- I Don't Know. Admit it, you don't know everything. It let's your team members know that you have high
levels of self-esteem. Only people who are okay inside their own skin can admit that they don't know everything.
- Let's agree to disagree. This is the phrase to use if all else fails. It works especially well with the
real important people in your organization - the contrarians.
Motivate Thyself
Sarah Huges, 2003 Winter Olympic ice-skating gold medalist, exemplifies this habit
to the max. Getting yourself to do the things you don't want to do - getting up every day at 5am to practice since age 6 -
and not doing what you really feel like doing - delaying gratification and reigning in impulsiveness - is what it takes to
become a gold medalist or an excellent Contrarian Leader. Plus if you saw her final performance, Sarah also mastered a third
ingredient, the ability to get into the "zone" or a "flow state", where you shut out all external distractions and are single-mindedly
focused on the task at hand. "I just went out to have fun" were her words at the end of her flawless performance. The same
attitude will enable you to lead effectively. Combine these three skills and you have the making of a champion at work and
home.
Here is how you can develop this habit faster:
- Treat success as the rule and failures as the exception
- Do what you don't feel like doing, and think twice before you do what you really feel like doing.
- Chase your passion, not your pay.
- Laugh more often than you think is wise, especially at yourself.
- Remind yourself that how you feel is your choice. Don't give that choice away.
This habit, often referred to as attunement, building rapport or being sensitive, is concerned with being able to recongnize
and respond appropriately to the emotions of others. It involves tuning into verbal as well as non-verbal cues to discern
your team members' moods, emotions and feelings, and then modifying your approach accordingly. It is concerned with the ability
to care - not make believe - but truly getting into someone else's moccasins and walking more than a mile in their shoes.
Here is how you can hone this habit:
- Practice active listening: You know you have mastered this art when you not only hear the words but also
hear what is being said.
- Reality test, also known as mirroring: Restate what you heard in your own words, capturing not only the
words but also the feelings that go with the words, Example: "What I hear you saying is that you don't like me disagreeing
with you, because it seems to make you upset." This is a powerful anger management technique. Do practice it at home.
- Master the echo technique: This is when you repeat what a team member says and add a question mark at
the end of the sentence. Team member: "You are driving me nuts" You: "Driving you nuts?"
- Focus on them: Any time you interact with a team member visualize the following words on his forehead:
"Make me feel important". Then act accordingly.